Children Cancer Stories by Rukh Yusuf - Blog # 287
I am Rukh Yusuf, Clinical Pharmacist, also specialized in Total Parenteral Nutrition and Bone Marrow Transplant. I have worked in the Pediatric Oncology unit of a public hospital. The mission of this blog is to bring to you the real-life stories of child patients suffering from cancer. Cancer is still a difficult disease to handle and treat. However, when it strikes the children, some so young that they cannot even speak, their agony is beyond expression and words. Let us pray especially for children suffering from cancer for early and complete remission. May Allah shower His Merciful Blessings upon them. Aameen.
The Unseen : When Patients Become Part of Your Heart
Working in a pediatric oncology facility is unlike working in many other healthcare settings. It is a place where science, hope, fear, courage, and heartbreak exist side by side. Every day, healthcare providers walk into the hospital prepared to treat diseases, manage complications, administer medications, and support families. But somewhere along the way, we begin to do something that cannot be written into a job description: they become emotionally attached to the children they care for.
In pediatric oncology, patients are not always there for a few hours or days. Some stay for weeks, months, or even longer. They return for chemotherapy cycles, recover from complications, undergo bone marrow transplantation, and navigate repeated hospital admissions. Over time, familiar faces become part of our daily lives. We learn their names, recognize their voices, remember their favorite activities, and begin to understand their personalities. We witness their fears, celebrate their smallest victories, and sometimes become part of their families' most difficult moments.
And without even realizing it, we become attached.
When Caring Becomes Personal: Healthcare providers in pediatric oncology work in different capacities. Some administer chemotherapy, others monitor vital signs, manage infections, prepare medications, provide emotional support, or help families understand complicated treatment plans. Although our responsibilities differ, we share something fundamental: we care for children who are fighting illnesses no child should have to face.
When you see a child repeatedly, it becomes difficult to think of them as just another patient. You remember how frightened they were during their first admission, how they gradually became comfortable with the hospital environment, and how excited they were when they finally felt well enough to play again.
You celebrate when their blood counts improve, when they tolerate treatment, and when they are finally discharged. These moments remind you why your work matters.
But the same attachment that makes the happy moments meaningful also makes the difficult ones much harder.
The Weight We Carry Beyond Hospital Walls
One of the most challenging aspects is that the emotional responsibility does not always end when the duty hours are over.
I still recall almost every child I have interacted with in hospital. I remember their faces, their struggles, and the moments we shared. Some memories bring a smile; others remain painful to revisit.
You may be physically at home, but a part of your mind is still in the hospital.
When we become emotionally invested in these young warriors, switching off is not always easy. A child's worsening condition can follow you home. An unexpected complication can occupy your thoughts throughout the evening. And when a patient you have cared for over a long period deteriorates, the emotional impact can be difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced this environment.
We are trained to remain professional, make evidence based decisions, and provide the best possible care. However, professional training does not make us immune to human emotions.
The More Sensitive You Are, the More You May Hurt:
There is a particular vulnerability in caring deeply. The more sensitive you are to another person's suffering, the more intensely you may experience it yourself.
This sensitivity can be both a strength and a burden. It helps us recognize distress, communicate compassionately, understand families' fears, and treat children with dignity. Yet it can also leave us emotionally exhausted.
We may struggle when treatment does not work as hoped. We may feel helpless when a child continues to suffer despite every effort. And when a child we have grown attached to dies, we may experience grief that is difficult to express in a professional environment where we are expected to continue working.
Sometimes, we move from one patient's bedside to another, carrying our emotions quietly because the next child still needs us.
There is little time to process one difficult experience before another begins.
This is the reality of caring in a setting where hope and uncertainty coexist every day.
Compassion Needs Care, Too: Healthcare providers are often praised for their strength, resilience, and ability to remain composed under pressure. But resilience should not mean becoming emotionally numb, and professionalism should not require pretending that difficult experiences do not affect us.
We need spaces where healthcare workers can talk about their experiences without feeling that vulnerability is a weakness. Peer support, supportive colleagues, reflective practices, and access to psychological support can help us process the emotional demands of our work. Healthy boundaries are equally important not because we should care less, but because we need to sustain our ability to care over time.
We cannot control every outcome. We cannot remove every child's pain or guarantee that every treatment will succeed. What we can do is provide competent, compassionate care and recognize that our own emotional well-being deserves attention, too.
We May Leave the Hospital, but the Memories Stay
Treating these angles changes you. It teaches you to appreciate small victories, to recognize courage in unexpected places, and to understand how much strength can exist in someone so young.
It also teaches you that caring deeply comes with a cost.
I still remember the children I have cared for, and I suspect I always will. Their struggles have stayed with me long after individual shifts and hospital admissions ended. When patients are sick, I still find myself worrying about them even after my duty hours.
Perhaps this is one of the most difficult truths about working for these little warriors : we can learn to manage our emotions, but we cannot always prevent ourselves from feeling them.
And perhaps we should not want to.
Because behind every clinical task, every medication, every treatment plan, and every hospital admission is a child who deserves to be treated as more than a diagnosis.


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