Warriors and Survivors - 59

Children Cancer Stories by Rukh Yusuf - Blog # 59

 

I am Rukh Yusuf, Clinical Pharmacist, also specialized in Total Parenteral Nutrition and Bone Marrow Transplant. I have been working in Pediatric Oncology unit of a public hospital for several years. The mission of this blog is to bring to you the real-life stories of child patients suffering from cancer. Cancer is still a difficult disease to handle and treat. However, when it strikes the children, some so young that they cannot even speak, their agony is beyond expression and words. Let us pray especially for children suffering from cancer for early and complete remission. May Allah shower His Merciful Blessings upon them. Aameen.

This is the hardest blog for me to write so far. I have so many things in my mind, but I am still unable to write.

Last Monday, almost after half day, I was passing by the corridor to go for a meeting in a hurry, when a mother came to me, she was in hurry too. She was crying openly with tears and was just coming to talk to me. I stopped and listened to her. She said, “Doctor jee, my Abdullah is no more, and I am leaving, I am thankful for whatever you did for me and my child. If there are more people like you, probably no mother will lose her child”.

I was shocked, I had no words to console her but tried to. While I was consoling her, I saw Abdullah’s body lying on a stretcher near the lift, ready to leave. It was the worst scene ever.

I left for the meeting and Abdullah and his mother left for home. It was a long day for me, but two scenes remain in my eyes, Abdullah’s morning situation when I saw him in his room and his last departure scene. I am still drowned in grief.

On the same morning his mother had come to me and said that I should look at Abdullah as his fever was not coming down, and he had continuous vomiting. I went with her and saw Abdullah; he was in semi-unconscious condition due to fever. I checked his medication; his treatment was fair enough for his illness, but he was not responding to it. I discussed with the doctor and Abdullah was shifted to ICU immediately.  I got busy in my routine and then at the end of the day his mother gave the terrible news of his demise.

Abdullah was the warrior of my blog number 53. He was only eight years old at the time of his death and only two and half when he was first diagnosed with ALL. His treatment continued for two years, and he recovered fully. He remained well for another two years and then in 2021 his disease came back. He was admitted again.

As he had relapsed, so his case was to be discussed in board meeting and then his treatment had to be decided. His mother talked to me out of her grief and asked for his early treatment. I did whatever I could to initiate his early relapse treatment. The mother was happy about treatment in spite of the all the troubles she had to bear for this. She used to come to me often to share Abdullah’s condition, his treatment and for counseling. This was because I responded to her with kindness every time and made myself available when she needed. She used to discuss every report and treatment with me even when it was not necessary. Somehow in the last four or five days, she did not come to me, nor I could meet her.

They say that we, the healthcare providers, should not get emotionally entangled with the patients. It is a sound advice for the emotional wellbeing of HCPs. However, when an eight-year-old, innocent child goes down fighting cancer, and though we believe we did what was necessary, but somewhere there is a nagging feeling at the back of the mind that probably something more could have been done. There is a fine line between keeping emotionally intact and becoming aloof. As an HCP, we tread that line every day and sometimes are liable to faltering. Abdullah was a sweet child, and he fought hard till the end. His mother showed great courage and fortitude in the face of imminent death. They shall remain in memory.

Even when nothing much can be done for cancer patients, kindness and humility still matter the most. Positive attitude and encouraging words can bring back patients and their mothers to life. As a health care provider “A day of work for us is a lifetime event for our patients”. It could be our bad, hectic, or tiring day but for our patients it is a matter of life or death, they will remember it for the rest of their lives.

I shall write again on kindness in health providers but here I will conclude my thoughts with some verses whose poet’s name I do not know.

“Advice from a patient”

“This may be a normal day at work for you

But it’s a big day in my life.

The look on your face and the tone of your voice

Can change my entire view of world.

Remember! I am not usually this needy or scared.

I am here, because I trust you, help me stay confident.

I may look like I am out of it,

But I can hear your conversations.

I am not used to being naked around strangers.

Keep that in mind.

I am impatient because I want to get the heck out of here.

Nothing personal.

I don’t speak your language well.

You are going to do what to my what?

I may only be here for four days,

But I will remember you for the rest of my life.

Your patients need your patience.”

We pray for Abdullah and his family. May the family bear the loss with courage and fortitude. Aameen

Prayers for the complete health and recovery of all other warriors who are suffering with their families. May Allah ease and cure all patients and cancer warriors.

 

Note: Names have been changed to protect identity