Warriors and Survivors - 107

Children Cancer Stories by Rukh Yusuf - Blog # 107

I am Rukh Yusuf, Clinical Pharmacist, also specialized in Total Parenteral Nutrition and Bone Marrow Transplant. I have been working in Pediatric Oncology unit of a public hospital for several years. The mission of this blog is to bring to you the real-life stories of child patients suffering from cancer. Cancer is still a difficult disease to handle and treat. However, when it strikes the children, some so young that they cannot even speak, their agony is beyond expression and words. Let us pray especially for children suffering from cancer for early and complete remission. May Allah shower His Merciful Blessings upon them. Aameen. 

She is eleven years old Ayesha, suffering from Ewing Sarcoma for three years now. Writing about her makes me recall so many children in palliation and I am in tears again. It may seem weird or may be abnormal that you carry so much grief which is not directly related to you. 

Ayesha is from Sahiwal and when she first got admitted in hospital almost three years ago, she had suspected Ewing Sarcoma. Then her disease was confirmed, and her treatment began. In these last three years a lot has happened. She has been through a lot. From her leg amputation to chemotherapy, from walking independently to dependent on wheelchair, she has been a symbol of courage. 

When she used to come to ward or chemobay for her treatment, she looked so beautiful with her colorful dresses and hats that she had to wear due to her hair loss caused by chemotherapy. Now one needs courage to see her, she is in such a bad health. 

Ayesha was getting better, then suddenly in one of her follow-ups it occurred that her disease has come back. Later after some tests doctor disclosed that her disease is not treatable and that she will be on palliation.... Worst update in a patient’s life. Ayesha is in palliation waiting for her death and one needs a strong heart to see her in such a miserable condition. Beautiful Ayesha with vibrant colors is nowhere now. 

I have seen so many children waiting for their death. Whenever I see any child in palliation, it gives me a flashback of all such patients I have attended. To be a heartfelt and compassionate healthcare provider is most difficult thing.

I sometimes wish every healthcare provider could understand the loss of a child. I wish they could understand how such parents miss their children achingly. I wish every healthcare provider could understand—without going through the unimaginable—that our success in this profession isn’t defined by achieving external validation metrics but rather by our ability to care for and about our patients. 

I used to think seeing children like Ayesha would detach me from life, from myself, from my profession, from any possibility of joy. With time, it has only intensified my appreciation for being a healthcare provider and for helping others to heal. By saying that it does not mean it no longer hurts, rather it’s the past pain that drives your passion for future.

Let’s pray for some miracle for Ayesha, may she recover somehow. Aameen. May her parents have happy and easy time with her. Aameen

Lots of prayers for Ayesha and her family. May all the sick children recover soon, and their diseases never come back and may they live normal, healthy life again. Aameen

Note: Names have been changed to protect identity